Reasons why I blog

Hi everyone! In this post I'm going to talk about why I blog. Some of my friends keep asking why I keep on blogging, what makes me not to stop blogging, isn't tiring to type all the things and more. So here I am. Typing all the answers in for you guys.

But before I proceed, I would like to show you guys this. A friend of mine, Luqman, recently made a blog. He was inspired after I show him the post, "Love" and he decided to create his own blog. This is want to show you guys, what he said about blogging.

"Well shit. The thought of writing a blog has never passed through my mind, but honestly the feeling of trying to express how you feel on a computer is oddly satisfying....we'll see how this goes so, bare with me!"

That's his first ever post for his blog. I laughed and agreed with it because it's so true. Check out his blog if you know him or you're interested! (http://luqmanrizal.blogspot.com/)

Back to the main topic of this post. 

The reason why I blog is basically what Luqman said, 'the feeling of trying to express how you feel on a computer is oddly satisfying...' I express my feelings here. I open up the things I want people to know, the secrets that I can't keep inside, the feelings that need to get out of me, the words I'm trying to say just so people can listen and understand what I'm going through, and support me as I go, to stay positive, to never give up and to move forward.

I tell the stories that I think people want to hear. I tell the situations I am in that I don't think I can't solve alone; people would suggest me their ways on how to minimise or solve the situation, and I sometimes follow their suggestions; their suggestions sometimes make me open my eyes wider, I can see the situation in another perspective and realise things that are actually good and bad, or make me think deeper outside the box. To the people who've been supporting me, I thank you, very, very much.

Some people understand why I blog. They told me that I don't have anyone to express my feelings to and that's why I express it here. That's true to be honest. Sometimes, I feel like I'm alone and have no one to talk to about my problems, and even if there's someone to talk to, I'm afraid that they would not really care about it, like they have only a little interest in it. They would listen to my problems partially, they would give the face that shows that they're not interested at all. They would give fake interest or answers to my problems just so they can feel good about themselves because they're helping me and thinking that would make me feel any better.

Honestly, it doesn't make me feel any better when they think they did. I can see their body language while they're listening and giving me answers to solve my problems.

Another reason why I blog is because I'm also afraid that, if I have someone to talk to about my problems, eventually they would be less interested, or bored and annoyed because of/with me. So creating a post about me expressing my feelings in my blog, can somehow avoid the 'bored and annoyed with me' problem.

I just simply give my link to the people in social media, where my friends are in it too, and if they're interested they can click on it and if they're not, they can just simply ignore it. The thing is, I don't know whether they clicked it or ignored it, which is better than knowing them not interested about my problems after I tell them face to face. I can only see the countries where people viewed my blog from and I don't have to know who viewed it.

I only know who are my viewers when they talk about it to me face to face. They would sometimes say, "Hey I read your blog last night" and then they would ask me questions if they don't understand, they would comment on it, or they would help me get through my situation. To people who have done this, you know who you are, and I thank you guys for checking out my blog. Sometimes I think that people don't/won't visit my blog and I know it's bad to think it that way, but hey, at least it's out there. It's out in the public, where everyone in the world can see, and there's a chance where people might accidentally visit this blog and read it. 

I know that the people who have little or no interest to listen to my problems, and sometimes pretend to listen (I don't like that by the way, ever. I hate it.), just so they can make me feel better because I have 'someone' to, also have their own problems. I know that they also want help from others so they don't have to solve their problems alone. Believe me, I help my friends with their problems and sometimes they ask me, out of nowhere, on how to solve the problems, and I, just simply help them. I like and don't mind to help them because I (seriously) want to help them; make them happy, move forward and/or achieve their dreams. Seeing others happy, moving forward or achieving their dreams after I help them makes me happy as well.

Anyways, the point is, try to help others with their problems while you also try to solve yours as well. Multi-tasking basically. There are people out there, that don't know how to solve their problems, and you could be the one who might know how to solve it. You never know once until you try to help them. Even if you think your idea to help them is useless, it's still an idea (any idea could be a better idea), probably an idea that people might never think of and perhaps it could help them. If people need help, help them. If you think you can't, try. If still think you can't, don't give up; find others that can help you help them.

That's all for now. This is the end of this post.

My situation:

Please, make me try, to help me, help you, trying to help me. Please... Help me go into the dark tunnel and go through the other end of the tunnel, the exit. An exit that can free me from the problems I need help with.

Happy trails everyone! Follow the happy trails, not the sad trails and there, you can feel much better. :)

A Healthy Lifestyle..?

Hi! In this post, I'm going to talk about health. Yeah, you read it. HEALTH. That's right! I even underlined it. For some people, that word repels them. They will stop right there, and will not continue. The others, well, they like this topic, and I hope you like it too. Some people want to have a healthier lifestyle; have a proper diet and exercise so they can live longer. The main content for this post is about the method for healthier lifestyle I've gone through and maybe you could try it if you are inspired by it. Recommend to your friends or relatives if they want to lose weight!

A short story before we proceed if you don't mind. If you do mind, you can skip the 3 following paragraph.

I'm doing this post because people have been asking me how I lost all my weight, and some of them have complimented me. When people do ask, I just tell them what I've gone through, and few days later, another person would ask. Believe me, I've answered the same question for like 5 times or more. It's not that I don't like people asking me, I love it when people need my advice. So, for me not to keep answering the same question over and over again, I will just give them the link to this post.

Before I did the method of healthy lifestyle, my friends and family have told me to lose some weight or else I'll regret it when I'm older. This method wasn't my idea. I was inspired to do it. This one friend I had, Nadirah, helped me with my weight loss. After I told her my weight was 102.5kg, she got shocked and told me to lose some weight. She told me to have an objective on why I should lose my weight, or else it won't work. So I told her my objective is to impress her, I liked her (again) that time so that's why. She laughed about it,but had faith in me.

After she gave me her advice, I started to follow it. Surprisingly, my weight was 102.5kg, and the last time I checked, I was down to 86kg in 2 months and 15 days (I lost 5kg every 3 weeks), lost 16.5kg in total because of her and some support from my friends and family. I've checked that weight I think few weeks ago? I don't know how much I weight now. I said "This one friend I had" in the previous paragraph, is because things went complicated with her. She broke a promise that broke our friendship, I think, because after that promise thing, we barely talked to each other. I can't forget about her because she was the one who had faith in me and motivated me to lose all the weight. So if you're reading this Nadirah, thank you for your advice, your faith in me, and your motivation to keep me going and not to give up. Thank you so much!!

The method for healthier lifestyle I've gone through.
Now to some people, this might sound crazy and extreme, I've heard people say it when I told them what I did.

Here's the list of what I did for 2 months and 15 days (Long list by the way):

• Don't eat anything with sugar. This includes sweets, cakes, any fizzy drink, etc. No sugars at all! Even if sugar can give you energy, just eat the natural sugars from fruits.
• Don't eat any junk foods. (Definition of junk food: Junk food is a pejorative term for cheap food containing high levels of calories from sugar or fat with little fiber, protein, vitamins or minerals. Use of the term implies that a particular food has little "nutritional value" and contains excessive fat, sugar, salt, and calories.) This includes any potato chips, and to the people who are living in South East Asia, No Indo-Mee, Maggi, or any noodles that contains high sodium. Stay away from foods that had high sodium in it.
• Eat less oily foods. If your mom is cooking your food, try asking her if she could use less oil on yours or use healthy oil. 
• When chewing food, try to chew it until it is little watery so you can swallow it easier. I don't what this does, but back then, every time I eat, I only chew few times and swallow. After I did this, I've lost some weight.
• Don't put a big chunk of food into your mouth at once. Cut it into little pieces or just eat little by little. This will help you chew and swallow easily. Every time I eat, I will cut my food into little pieces. Like what people say, don't big chunk of steak at once, or else that chunk will stay in your stomach for few days. I don't know, that's what my mom told me, but just don't eat your food in such a big chunk.
• When you have your meal, don't have large portion of it. Just have a small portion. What I did was, I never eat until my stomach is full. To Muslims, this is Sunnah. Just eat until you don't feel hungry and stop before you stomach is full.
• During eating, don't forget to drink your water. Stop eating for a while and drink your water, not all of it.
• Do not eat any chicken skin! 
• For Asians, I know how you love to eat rice, me too, but you should stop eating them. I only had a small portion of rice every 2 weeks.
• You can eat 3 meals per day. During breakfast, lunch and in the evening. At night don't eat, only drink water or Japanese Green Tea. Fruits are accepted to eat at night. After 5:00pm, you should stop eating. Wait for 13 hours and then you can eat again during breakfast, like you are fasting, but you sleep through the night for like 8 hours.
• If you are starving like very hungry at night, just eat fruits, drink water or eat 2 half-boiled eggs.
• Every night, drink a cup of Japanese Green Tea before bed. People say that green tea can help you lose weight, so I did that every night and look where it got me! 
• Drink more than 2 Litres of water everyday. Do not miss a day. Seriously, drinking water helped me lose some weight. Keep yourself hydrated. There's a saying, "If you drink more water, your brain will work better." 
• Have cheat day once a week, where you can eat large portion of food during that day, but you still can't eat at night and still no sugars except from the fruits. If you are up for a challenge, try not to have a cheat day once a week, try once in 2 weeks.
• If you feel you had too much food in a day, try to be more strict the next day, like eat lesser portion of food than usually, make the gap for each meal longer than usual, or eat only 2 meals a day (Breakfast and evening)

What I did, to make sure I will lose some weight:

• Drink only juice for breakfast, or just have a banana, or just a small portion of healthy cereal (Kellogg's Special K) with Skimmed Milk. Can't have Full Cream Milk. 
• During lunch, just eat salad, vegetables or fruits.
• In the evening,
• Exercise at least an hour every night. Do push-ups, sit ups, run up-and-down your stairs etc.
• Use the stairs rather than the elevator, unless the floor you're going to is high. If it's 3 floors up, just use the stairs. 

BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN YOU ARE STARVING, YOU CAN HAVE LACK OF MALNUTRITION WHICH IS VERY DANGEROUS FOR YOUR BODY!

I might forget some things, but don't worry, I'll try to add if I remember. That's basically everything though.

I know it sounds crazy, extreme and strict! but hey, I lost 16.5kg because of it. Everything on the list above, helped me. I've went through to all of it and right now, I'm used to it, which is better because it's healthier.  Just remember, this is the method I've gone through. If you're not ready, then don't follow this method. You could try this method and see you do lose some weight.

I believe that's it for this post. If you have questions, do ask, don't be afraid! Recommend this method to your friends or relatives if they want to lose some weight!
If you are ready to follow this method, you can start next week or tomorrow! All the best to you! Happy trails everyone!

Playing around Part 2

Part 2 of the previous post. I wasn't joking about having lunch, the salmon with mashed peas. I took a picture of it, ate it and it was delicious. Thank you mother! Love you so much!!

 

Anyways, continuing where I left off..

All new for me

29th April

On the 28th April, I told my father about my school clothes, told him it was getting bigger, the shirt and the pants. People kept mentioning about it, like,"Look at his pants, it's big" or, "Dude, you need to get a new pants, your belt is killing you. It's making your pants (on the thighs) look big."

So I had enough of that and told my dad about it. My dad said we'll make new clothes the next day.

Had the best day with my dad! I thank and love him so much for what he did!

He already bought the material for my clothes, I don't know what type of material and was worried, but he told me not to worry because it's high quality. So I just go with it. We went to the tailor shop first to measure the cuttings for my new clothes. The tailor kept complimenting me that I've lost weight, my hip was 42 inch, and that day he measured it went down to 37.5 inch. I thank him for complimenting me. My new clothes will finish on Monday, 2nd May.

After we were done with the tailor shop, we went next door, to a retail store. There I bought a new belt, after that, we went to the opposite of next door we went to, the barbershop. I told my before if we could get our hair cut, he said why not, so there we were. My dad thought I was going bald again, but I didn't. My friends kept telling to try to cut my sides only and leave the top of my hair; make the sides look fading and the hair cool. Another word for it, Dapper; Definition: (typically of a man) neat and trim in dress, appearance, or bearing.

After that, dad asked me where I want to go. I told him about the glasses I wanted and I knew in my country, it would be hard to find. Dad said he had to go to the bank, and coincidentally, beside the bank, there was optic shop. After dad was done with his bank business, we went straight to the optic shop.

There I tested my eyes again and found out my left eye it more blur than the right eye. I believe this is my own fault of borrowing my friend's glasses, the glasses he had was the one I wanted. So yeah, it's clearly my own fault. Anyways, after the test, I asked the optician if there's a semi-rimless glasses. The optician went off somewhere for a while and got me one! Exactly what I wanted and it fits perfectly well. 

Got everything new. Thanks to my dad. Love him so much!! We had dinner together at home, and asked my mom if my new hair cut and glasses fit me. She was jubilant with it.

That one week, I've went through, was probably the best week this year so far. I'm done with this post. I will make a publish a newer one soon. This is the end of the post.

Playing around

I have done a lot things since I published my last post. It's been a week. Fun and stressful week? I don't know how to describe it. but I can say with was a fun week. Even though, exams are around the corner and I only revised so little. I'm screwed. Anyways I'll talk about the week I've went through.

I will arrange from more fun to least fun. I wouldn't say the least fun is boring, it's fun too, but others are very fun, or more fun?? I don't know how to explain it.

Project Photoshop Mix (PPM)

I was inspired by my brother's friend, Harith and my one of best friends, Hakeem. Harith likes to photoshop and Hakeem made a picture of himself using photoshop. The picture had lines highlighted and a background of a colourful galaxy. The lines structured was picture of himself, with his hair and glasses frame and his jawline. Harith made a lot of cool pictures using photoshop. So I thank them for inspiring me to use photoshop. Found the app on my phone and decided to try it out yesterday.

I made these:

Pictures of me

 

 

 Pictures of my friends I made:

 

 

 

 

 Had so much fun and time doing this project. I could do more.

After I posted one of my friend's picture I edited with photoshop mix, my friends started asking me where are theirs? So, sometimes I'm bored, why not help them instead of doing nothing. I could study, but I follow my mood.

Birthday celebration! 

25th April

I'm in a group called 'Fish Eye' or also known as 'Circle', and it was almost Aqil's birthday. So my friend, Adib, decided to order 2 Lasagna from me for Aqil. My mom cooks the lasagna and I'm usually the middleman in this kind of situation. Anyways, it costs $40 (also comes with free Garlic Bread) and Adib didn't want to use all of his money, so he decided to ask the group if they want to chip in. The birthday is on 27th April.

Apparently, everyone wanted the lasagna. Adib told them it was,"Best lasagna in town" and everyone was keen to try it. So the group chipped in $3 each for the 2 Lasagna ($80 in total) and managed to get about only $30 above.

I already told my mom about the 2 lasagna and confirmed about it. Suddenly, the group said they can't reach another $40, so they wanted only 1 Lasagna. So who's going to pay for the other $40? I wanted to, but had an idea.

There's this group called 'Rebels' and one of them knows about my mom's lasagna and loved them. So I decided to ask her if she wanted it. She told everyone in the group and everyone there chipped in! Some chipped $5, $10 and more, and some didn't have the time to chip in because it was already $40. I just gave them a day to collect and they already collected the $40. Faster than my group. Apparently they were keen to try it as well.

My mom asked me who was the lasagnas for. I told her it was for my friend's birthday and also told her that each of everyone chipped in $3 in $1. So in my wallet, I had like 2 inch of $1 that was $80 in total. I couldn't even close my wallet!

The next day, my mom was so generous. She told me she will give free 80 Grilled BBQ Chicken Wings for the two groups, 40 for each group. The two groups will have a feast for the birthday!

27th April 

The plan is to bait the birthday boy to a trap. We told him that the lasagnas ordered were cancelled last minute and changed to a different date. By the way, the birthday boy also chipped in for the lasagna, but didn't it was for him all along.

We didn't want people who didn't chip in to feast with us because it would be unfair to the people who did. So we chose a venue where there won't be many people around. Moreover about the plan, to bait Aqil, Adib will tell him that he left his mobile phone near the venue and bring along Aqil with him and once Aqil is there, we will sing the birthday song!

Plan went well. Everyone had full belly and was jubilant especially the birthday boy. Empty tray of lasagna and chicken wings, and empty container of Garlic Bread.

The Rebels also enjoyed their feast, but there was this one unfair guy. He came to Rebels and asked if he could have some of the lasagna. Rebels insisted because if they rejected him, they will would guilty. So the guy grabbed a spoon and cut about 38 cm length and 7 cm width of the lasagna. Obviously, Rebels would get angry, so they told him to just have a little, because they want their group to have some as well. So the guy felt bad and listened to them, but then, the took half of what he cut. Still a big chunk and so unfair to Rebels. So I have a bit of hatred towards the guy.

Sadly...

I would love to continue more about the week I've went through, but I have to go. I'm going to eat my salmon with mashed peas for lunch. So, this is the end of the post.

My kindergarten life

I'm going to talk about my kindergarten life.

Went to Yayasan Kindergarten at the age of 4. Usually the age of going to a kindergarten school in my country is 3, but I was born on the last month of the year 1998. So I had to go to school with friends who were born in the 1999s.

The kindergarten had 3 grades, a year for each grade. The first year was fun because I've met a lot of friends. I didn't really make friends with the girls because I wasn't that smooth and I thought I would be better off if I have friends who are boys. I remember every break time, I had to sit with this weird kid, I didn't like him because I feel like something is wrong with the kid. I was so mean to him back then, never bullied him though, just thought of him as the weird kid who had to sit next to me every break time.

Anyways, I would see everyone's lunch bag and judge whose better. Obviously, mine because back then, we all wanted to show off whose better. The weird kid had a lunch bag of a car ramping off a dirt bump, it was cool, but mine is cooler. I don't remember how mine looked like though.

The only best moments during the first year, was at every 12:00pm where I go home. I would see my babysitter, hired by my parents to take care off my siblings and I when they go to work, waiting at the playground outside my class and I would get excited because I'm going home. If the classroom door opens, I would run outside instantly.

I remember this one time, when my teacher had this picture of a kitchen, where we have to guess which is the item of the name she gives. The weird kid was called, and was given a name of an item. He pointed at the item and the teacher said it was correct, so he grabbed his schoolbag and off he go. I was so jealous, then the teacher called. She gave me a name of an item,"Knife." I was under pressure, I didn't know what was it, and I thought if I got it wrong, I will have to sit back and wait for my turn again. So, with me being under pressure, I looked everywhere in the picture and finally pointed at an item, the cabinet. The teacher looked at me and said,"Wrong." I was sad because I thought I had to sit and wait for my turn, but then, teacher gave me another chance. So, out of nowhere, I pointed the correct item. When she told me it was correct, I picked my bag and ran outside and went home. Never felt so excited.

However, the first day of the second year, didn't go so well. I cried. Cried the whole day. I sat on my new teacher's lap while my mother was there to calm me down. I cried because I had to go to a new classroom and have a new teacher. I guess I really missed the classroom that time because it was fun going there and I thought my friends were there in the old classroom while I had to go to the new one. The next day, everyone in my first year class was in the same new class as I was. I don't remember if I was happy about it though.

Anyways, the second year, is the first time, I ever liked a girl in my class, Maisarah. I think she liked me too back then. I've seen a lot of movies during that year. If there were any romance scenes, like where the actor and actress would kiss each other or make out, my parents would tell us to cover our eyes because it's for adults only. So, back then, I was smooth and at the same time, was creepy. During class, where we had to sit on the ground and listen to the teacher like a grandfather telling their grand children about their life, I had the courage to hold both Maisarah's hands and we stood up together. While we hold each others hand, the teacher didn't even tell us to sit down, she ignored us! So, what to do, but just to roll it. It was funny and creepy, I asked Maisarah if she wants us to kiss. I only remembered, she laughed and smiled. I bet she didn't even know what it means that time. Anyways, it didn't happen. I think we sat back down and listened to the teacher's lecture.

I even remember Maisarah's cousin, Muhammad, my that-time and future best friend, was sick. We had classwork and during that time, I looked at him. He stood up and looked down his chair he sat on. He hold the chair and the table, and started to barf. My eyes were wide open, seeing my best friend that time, puked on his own chair during class.

The best moment I had during the second year, is when it is break-time, where the teachers of each class would tell us to play in the auditorium. Every class was connected to the auditorium so everyone can just go inside. Every time I go there, all I saw was everyone running around, playing tag. Some would go up the stage and act. Some would go to the castle and kitchen playground, provided by the teacher, and play inside. They would slide down or cook in the kitchen. Sometimes I would see my brother, he was in third year while I'm in second year, and we will not say anything to each other, like we were not related. I don't know why.

The third year of kindergarten. I didn't cry the first day, which was an achievement to me. Third year was fun I guess. Every Wednesday, we would have a cardio exercise in the auditorium which was coached by an African-American skinned man. He was cool because we all had fun during the exercise and every Saturday, every class will have a swimming session, which was the best day to go to school. Third year was a busy year to me, many things happened and I remember them.

I had few friends of mine from the second year class with me. I made 3 best friends, Muhammad, Rahman and Aqil. I was like a leader to them, they would follow me every where I go and do as I command, but during break time, I always play alone in the auditorium. I remember I showed them how to skip,but they didn't know how to. I also made my first enemy, his name was my name, as in we had the same name and he was the son of a teacher who worked there. I don't remember how we became enemies, maybe because I hate him. Hate him because we have the same name. I only remember one time he was mean to me, I was building something with toy blocks and he would just destroy it or take my toy blocks. I guess that how we became enemies? If we ever encounter each other, we would just stare each other deadly and make mean faces and stayed away.

I also made another enemy that only lasted for a while. His name was, Shafiq, and he was twice bigger than me. I don't know how we got into a fight, but we told each other, we would fist-fight on the stage in the auditorium during break time. I've seen a lot of movies during my second year of kindergarten, so I had the confidence in fist-fighting. So during that break-time, as usual, everyone would go crazy, they would run around or play in the castle and kitchen playground. Shafiq and I were on the stage, facing each other. We started walking towards each other and before he could swing a punch, I punched him in the belly because he was fat and after that I ran away from him. He was hurt and he called a teacher. Since everyone ran around, I hid there. I hid in the crowd like an assassin, I blended in. When I was hiding, I saw Shafiq pointed out the stage to the teacher, I guess he told the teacher where he was punched and where I left off. I was a badass rebel back then, made trouble, ran and hid away, the teacher and Shafiq couldn't even find me.

I have this one classmate, Aniq, who looked sick everyday and would talk about how he like playing games everyday. He didn't go to class as many as we did, because his nose always bleed, so he would go home early. I remember one time, when he or his counsin, Siti, had a pizza birthday party in class. After we had pizza, there was a surprise. A pizza mascot appeared in our classroom. Everyone was so excited to see the mascot, we all cramped the mascot. We surrounded the mascot and everyone was touch and slap him. He was Pepperoni-Mushroomed Pizza. He got tired of us surrounding him and slapping him, I think someone hit his face, anyways he went down on the floor and lie there. That's where teacher told us he died, or he's tired. I forgot. Fun day by the way.

There was this one time, where a girl brought over a scary movie, called Pontianak, means vampire. A long-haired girl with red eyes, pale face and sharp teeth. I was scared of it. When the girl brought it in, the teacher just grabbed the DVD and played it in the other classroom. I thought we don't have to watch it, but we had to. When the show started, I stood up and hid myself behind the shoe cabinet. I saw this kid, Adri, future best-friend of mine, who was late. He looked at me weirdly, but then after he settled in the classroom and he sat down and watch the scary movie. I was still hiding behind the shoe cabinet and I somehow managed to escape and went to my classroom. There I was alone in the classroom and I could do anything I want. I forgot what I did to the classroom. God, they were so brave! I'm the coward.

We had this huge exams. These exams can tell us whether we can proceed to the first grade of Yayasan School. I was so sad, because I don't how to do the exams. When I sat for the exam, during the exam, I wished and imagined that I have a black-rimmed glasses with maroon lens and the glasses that can extend and see others exam papers. I even imagined once the glasses extend, it goes invisible so teacher can't see that I cheat. I didn't have the glasses I wanted/imagined, so I just do the paper sadly in confidence.

When the results came out, I got straight As for all the papers. I didn't know how or what to feel, but my parents did. They were so proud of me. I didn't even know I was that smart. So during graduation, I had to wore this robe and walked across the stage and retrieve the award from the teacher for excellence. I wasn't the only one though. Anyways, when it was my turn, after I got my award, I stood in the middle of the stage and glanced the people who were there to see me. I saw everyone not happy nor sad, they just sat there and see us go on stage and had no clue what was going on.

We had recital where we wore a flower costumer and dance around on stage in a International Conventional Centre (ICC). Only my mom attended the recital, dad was busy. It was full house though, everyone wanted to see us dance. Each class has their own dance and costume and we had the flower dance and costume. Before we went on stage, I saw my mom sitting down, watching others dance. I waved at her and she waved back and she couldn't wait for me to go up the stage. When it was our turn, we went on the stage and danced. After we dance, we have to bow down. After I bowed down, I tried to find my mom in the crowd of audience, I knew where she was, but I couldn't find her. Spotlight was bright and the audience was in the dark. After few seconds of trying to find my mom, I looked at my friends, they were gone! They went off stage and I was the only one there. I looked on my left and saw the other classroom about to go on stage. I ran off the stage as quickly as possible and heard people laughing because I was alone on stage and ran off. Cute for some people because I was alone on stage with a flower costume and scared and ran off stage, but to me it was humiliating. Come to think of it now, it's kinda funny and cute.

That's all about my kindergarten life. I left some of it out because I don't know how to tell it and some I think is irrelevant. I might continue again, but it will be about my primary school life. So this will be the end of the post. Thanks for reading!

To the people who like being alone and to some who need help

I'm going to talk about being alone. Now I know this could be boring for you, but please, just take your time in reading this if you have nothing to do; this could probably help you, or you could let the others (friends, relatives, etc.) know about this, this could probably help them too.

To the people who like being alone and to some who need help. I hope this will reach to the people I want to help and my friend, Al-Walid. I'm there for you buddy.

For some people, could also be you, might think that alone is what you have. You might also think that being alone protects you, where you can do anything you want, anything you can; you can act weird, dance and sing out loud and no one can/will notice you.

But, if you feel you are not alone and you would pretend to be someone who you are not. You will act differently than how you usually act when you are alone, just so you won't be judged by the people who can see what you do. Well, tough luck. In this world, people will judge you by your appearance, attitude, personality, etc. Just so they can feel good about themselves.

Don't give up there. Even if there are haters in this world, haters will always hate, don't forget that there are also people out there who care for you.

I'm going to say it again, you might think that being alone protects you. It does protect you, but listen; You will always need someone by your side. They will be the ones who will get you back up on your feet when you fall. They will give their shoulders for you to cry on. They will listen to your problems. They will always be there to help when you are in distress. A true friend who will always be there for you. Even if you think they are not there and can't help you, try to reach them. They will help you. You are not alone and will never be alone. We are here for you.

Now, sometimes, it could be good for you to pretend someone who you are not, maybe just so you can have a good reputation, or for fun, but it is only good when you only do it for a while, not for a long time, because it's bad. You'll regret it. Just try to be who you are around people, you will never know until you try; they might like the other part of you, or hate it, but that won't stop you. We each have our own strength and I know that strength will not give up on you when someone insult you just because you are being who you are suppose to be. I know you are stronger. Just be whoever you are, and stay whoever you are. Be you.

Remember, you are not alone in this world. You don't have to pretend when you are in public. Even if make a mistake just by being who you are, I know you will learn from that mistake; learn to be disciplined, learn to avoid the same mistake you've made, etc.

Got two quotes that could help you, or your friends and relatives:

"Go where you are appreciated, not where you are tolerated. Your confidence, health and life will be much better."

"Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you."

The first one is related with being alone. Remember, there are people who appreciate you, so you can have better in life, health and confidence.

The second one is related with pretending who you are not. You have to kill that part of pretentious feeling inside of you, just so you can be who you are.

Now the quotes can have a lot of meanings to others, could be different than mine. Mine is just related with this post. 

I'm going to stop here. I hope this post helps you. If you think you have a friend or relative that have this problem at the moment, ask them if they have the time to read this post.

This is the end of this post.

3 Dreams Full of Terrors

Last night I had 3 nightmares. 3 nightmares a night. It was very scary at first when I woke up from it because I felt like it was real, but after few hours, like right now, it's not that scary anymore, but the second nightmare is still scary.

First Nightmare
The Witch-Dude in The Hotel Department Store

There was this department store in my dream, located in a city. I don't remember what city, but I felt like I was in Singapore in that dream (the city I was in was also from another dream from different night; it's like my dreams have all have the same locations, but every night it's a different story. Like I was in a Dreamland or Dreamworld or Dream cities). Anyways, It was day time and there was my driver, best friend and I. We were on our way to the department store, there was a escalator outside the building of the department store because you can use it right away to get on top without going in. We used the escalator until I saw a friend of mine, Fikri in one the floors of the department store, he was looking for girl clothes, I think it was for his little sisters? So Basri and I decided to jump from the escalator and landed on the same floor as Fikri, but as soon as we land, Fikri went somewhere.

We followed the way he went and tried to find him, but we couldn't. We found ourselves outside the girl clothes store and inside the department store, it was so big and crowded. The thing is, that department store is also a hotel, there are elevators to use if people want to go to their hotel rooms. It's like a hotel and a department store all in one, which is the title of this nightmare.

Anyways, the department stores had a lot of floors, the top floor have luxury and expensive products selling, the lower the floor goes, the less luxury and less expensive the products are. So you can say the very bottom floor sells fake and cheap products. When we were in the department store after we lost Fikri, Basri decided to run off somewhere to find the elevators for the hotels. Before I followed him, my driver told me to be careful. I just nodded Yes to my driver and followed Basri and the same time I thought,"Obviously I have to be careful in a crowded department store. I don't need to worry too much because I'm confident enough not to be kidnapped or not to be in trouble." As I followed Basri, we somehow found ourselves in the very bottom floor of the department store. While I followed Basri, every sellers there offered me their fake and cheap products to me, but I just ignored them.

Basri somehow found the elevators, I think. So when I got to him, he was gone, but I found the elevators, I guess he got in the elevator and left me down there. While I was waiting for the elevators, there was this guy, who was on his way to the elevator, he looked very weird and suspicious to me. On his hand, he got something like a cheap, fake product in his hands. He wasn't going for the elevator, he was going for me. When he got closer, he said something to me about his product in a scary voice and kept forcing me to buy his products. To me, he's like a witch because he looked like one, weird clothes and products. Me being scared, and I'm in a dream, so I jumped so high like I had the power like Spider-Man and jumped and stick on the walls. He was still offering his products in a scary voice. I jumped off the wall and ran, he followed me everywhere, like I was being followed in a dark alley and he wanted to mug me. As soon as I lost him and hid myself away. Only a few seconds, he found me and kept saying the same words he said about his products. He had like eyes everywhere and that's how he found me or he had eyes that can see through walls.

The End of the first nightmare.

Wasn't that scary, but being followed by a stranger and that stranger offering product I don't know out of nowhere was terrifying and he found me hiding from him was scary enough. After I had that dream, I woke up and few minutes later, I slept again.

Second Nightmare
The Shadow-Man 

I don't remember how it started and this is a short dream, yet terrifying than the others. I remembered only our house was in a blackout, all lights were off, the whole neighborhood though. I was in my bedroom when this blackout happened. I'm afraid of the dark, so I grabbed my phone and use its flashlight and went outside my room. As soon as I got out, all my family was there. Dad was trying to get the power back on, but he can't. My mom wasn't there though, but my brothers and sisters was there. It was so dark and scary, all of us decided to follow my dad where ever he goes. When my dad went to the living room, everyone followed him so fast and I was behind them. They didn't seem to see it, but I saw something outside.

It was like a man, standing on the roof outside the house, and was close to the windows. At first, I thought I was seeing things, but that Shadow-Man was real, he was staring at me; couldn't see his eyes though, but I felt like he was staring at me, like I felt threaten if someone stares at me for too long. That's how I felt, but I know that Shadow-Man was a ghost. That's what made me had goosebumps and can't say a word. Tried to called my dad out loud, but I can't. My brother noticed me, and asked if I saw any ghosts. I can't say anything like my mouth was forced shut so I just nodded. My brother called my dad and I wanted my dad because he can make ghosts go away, but the dream didn't last very long.

The End of the second nightmare.

As soon as that dream ended, I woke up instantly and felt so terrified. When I woke up, the show, Napoleon Dynamite, was on the television. I decided to watch some of it few minutes. I almost slept, until I heard a loud noise. A blackout. Like in my dream. Seriously, no joke. The television, light, AC, fan went off and I panicked. I grabbed my torchlight and my phone and go to my parents room. It was 1:30am though and to get to my parents room, I have to go to the living room. I had to go there like in my dream, because I'm scared and so I could go to my parents room. Luckily the window I looked through in my dream didn't have a shadow-man waiting and staring me from the roof outside. I was happy and got into my parents room. Told my mom there was a blackout and she said everything is fine, just sleep. So I slept there.

Third (Last) Nightmare
The Giant Dwarf

Doesn't sound scary, but to me it was. It was another dream where my house was still in blackout and I was in my parents room. Heard something inside and outside my house. Home invasion. I heard something broke inside the house and police sirens and helicopters outside the house. As soon as I got out my parents room and went to the living room, I looked through the window, where I saw the Shadow-Man in my second dream and I saw a giant dwarf outside. He was the thief. He was finding something valuable in my house. He was outside though and he was looking through every windows in my house to see if there's anything to steal. The police couldn't do anything. The dwarf was big as my house and that's why the title is The Giant Dwarf.

While the dwarf was looking through the windows, he found me looking at me. He was angry. I guess he doesn't want anyone in the house to know that he was stealing something. As soon as he saw me, he tried to grab me with his giant dwarf hand. I went to my sister's room then straight away go to my parents room again. The dwarf lost me there and I told my mom there was a giant dwarf thief outside and if he saw us he would grab us and maybe kill us. My mom got scared and looked outside the window if it was real. The dwarf was still searching for me.

The End of Third (Last) dream.

Wasn't that scary. I woke up in the morning at 6:00 am and still the lights were off. Got nothing to do, but to wait for the power to get back on. I almost slept again, then light shined in my eyes, heard something went on. Opened my eyes, the electricity is back on! I went back to my bedroom and typed all my story into my blog.

So here I am. Just recently when I was typing for the last paragraph of the third nightmare, the electricity went off again, but only for a few seconds and went back on. I thought it was gonna last long as before, and was scared that I couldn't publish this post, but it didn't so I guess I can post it right now.

This is the end of this post.