My kindergarten life

I'm going to talk about my kindergarten life.

Went to Yayasan Kindergarten at the age of 4. Usually the age of going to a kindergarten school in my country is 3, but I was born on the last month of the year 1998. So I had to go to school with friends who were born in the 1999s.

The kindergarten had 3 grades, a year for each grade. The first year was fun because I've met a lot of friends. I didn't really make friends with the girls because I wasn't that smooth and I thought I would be better off if I have friends who are boys. I remember every break time, I had to sit with this weird kid, I didn't like him because I feel like something is wrong with the kid. I was so mean to him back then, never bullied him though, just thought of him as the weird kid who had to sit next to me every break time.

Anyways, I would see everyone's lunch bag and judge whose better. Obviously, mine because back then, we all wanted to show off whose better. The weird kid had a lunch bag of a car ramping off a dirt bump, it was cool, but mine is cooler. I don't remember how mine looked like though.

The only best moments during the first year, was at every 12:00pm where I go home. I would see my babysitter, hired by my parents to take care off my siblings and I when they go to work, waiting at the playground outside my class and I would get excited because I'm going home. If the classroom door opens, I would run outside instantly.

I remember this one time, when my teacher had this picture of a kitchen, where we have to guess which is the item of the name she gives. The weird kid was called, and was given a name of an item. He pointed at the item and the teacher said it was correct, so he grabbed his schoolbag and off he go. I was so jealous, then the teacher called. She gave me a name of an item,"Knife." I was under pressure, I didn't know what was it, and I thought if I got it wrong, I will have to sit back and wait for my turn again. So, with me being under pressure, I looked everywhere in the picture and finally pointed at an item, the cabinet. The teacher looked at me and said,"Wrong." I was sad because I thought I had to sit and wait for my turn, but then, teacher gave me another chance. So, out of nowhere, I pointed the correct item. When she told me it was correct, I picked my bag and ran outside and went home. Never felt so excited.

However, the first day of the second year, didn't go so well. I cried. Cried the whole day. I sat on my new teacher's lap while my mother was there to calm me down. I cried because I had to go to a new classroom and have a new teacher. I guess I really missed the classroom that time because it was fun going there and I thought my friends were there in the old classroom while I had to go to the new one. The next day, everyone in my first year class was in the same new class as I was. I don't remember if I was happy about it though.

Anyways, the second year, is the first time, I ever liked a girl in my class, Maisarah. I think she liked me too back then. I've seen a lot of movies during that year. If there were any romance scenes, like where the actor and actress would kiss each other or make out, my parents would tell us to cover our eyes because it's for adults only. So, back then, I was smooth and at the same time, was creepy. During class, where we had to sit on the ground and listen to the teacher like a grandfather telling their grand children about their life, I had the courage to hold both Maisarah's hands and we stood up together. While we hold each others hand, the teacher didn't even tell us to sit down, she ignored us! So, what to do, but just to roll it. It was funny and creepy, I asked Maisarah if she wants us to kiss. I only remembered, she laughed and smiled. I bet she didn't even know what it means that time. Anyways, it didn't happen. I think we sat back down and listened to the teacher's lecture.

I even remember Maisarah's cousin, Muhammad, my that-time and future best friend, was sick. We had classwork and during that time, I looked at him. He stood up and looked down his chair he sat on. He hold the chair and the table, and started to barf. My eyes were wide open, seeing my best friend that time, puked on his own chair during class.

The best moment I had during the second year, is when it is break-time, where the teachers of each class would tell us to play in the auditorium. Every class was connected to the auditorium so everyone can just go inside. Every time I go there, all I saw was everyone running around, playing tag. Some would go up the stage and act. Some would go to the castle and kitchen playground, provided by the teacher, and play inside. They would slide down or cook in the kitchen. Sometimes I would see my brother, he was in third year while I'm in second year, and we will not say anything to each other, like we were not related. I don't know why.

The third year of kindergarten. I didn't cry the first day, which was an achievement to me. Third year was fun I guess. Every Wednesday, we would have a cardio exercise in the auditorium which was coached by an African-American skinned man. He was cool because we all had fun during the exercise and every Saturday, every class will have a swimming session, which was the best day to go to school. Third year was a busy year to me, many things happened and I remember them.

I had few friends of mine from the second year class with me. I made 3 best friends, Muhammad, Rahman and Aqil. I was like a leader to them, they would follow me every where I go and do as I command, but during break time, I always play alone in the auditorium. I remember I showed them how to skip,but they didn't know how to. I also made my first enemy, his name was my name, as in we had the same name and he was the son of a teacher who worked there. I don't remember how we became enemies, maybe because I hate him. Hate him because we have the same name. I only remember one time he was mean to me, I was building something with toy blocks and he would just destroy it or take my toy blocks. I guess that how we became enemies? If we ever encounter each other, we would just stare each other deadly and make mean faces and stayed away.

I also made another enemy that only lasted for a while. His name was, Shafiq, and he was twice bigger than me. I don't know how we got into a fight, but we told each other, we would fist-fight on the stage in the auditorium during break time. I've seen a lot of movies during my second year of kindergarten, so I had the confidence in fist-fighting. So during that break-time, as usual, everyone would go crazy, they would run around or play in the castle and kitchen playground. Shafiq and I were on the stage, facing each other. We started walking towards each other and before he could swing a punch, I punched him in the belly because he was fat and after that I ran away from him. He was hurt and he called a teacher. Since everyone ran around, I hid there. I hid in the crowd like an assassin, I blended in. When I was hiding, I saw Shafiq pointed out the stage to the teacher, I guess he told the teacher where he was punched and where I left off. I was a badass rebel back then, made trouble, ran and hid away, the teacher and Shafiq couldn't even find me.

I have this one classmate, Aniq, who looked sick everyday and would talk about how he like playing games everyday. He didn't go to class as many as we did, because his nose always bleed, so he would go home early. I remember one time, when he or his counsin, Siti, had a pizza birthday party in class. After we had pizza, there was a surprise. A pizza mascot appeared in our classroom. Everyone was so excited to see the mascot, we all cramped the mascot. We surrounded the mascot and everyone was touch and slap him. He was Pepperoni-Mushroomed Pizza. He got tired of us surrounding him and slapping him, I think someone hit his face, anyways he went down on the floor and lie there. That's where teacher told us he died, or he's tired. I forgot. Fun day by the way.

There was this one time, where a girl brought over a scary movie, called Pontianak, means vampire. A long-haired girl with red eyes, pale face and sharp teeth. I was scared of it. When the girl brought it in, the teacher just grabbed the DVD and played it in the other classroom. I thought we don't have to watch it, but we had to. When the show started, I stood up and hid myself behind the shoe cabinet. I saw this kid, Adri, future best-friend of mine, who was late. He looked at me weirdly, but then after he settled in the classroom and he sat down and watch the scary movie. I was still hiding behind the shoe cabinet and I somehow managed to escape and went to my classroom. There I was alone in the classroom and I could do anything I want. I forgot what I did to the classroom. God, they were so brave! I'm the coward.

We had this huge exams. These exams can tell us whether we can proceed to the first grade of Yayasan School. I was so sad, because I don't how to do the exams. When I sat for the exam, during the exam, I wished and imagined that I have a black-rimmed glasses with maroon lens and the glasses that can extend and see others exam papers. I even imagined once the glasses extend, it goes invisible so teacher can't see that I cheat. I didn't have the glasses I wanted/imagined, so I just do the paper sadly in confidence.

When the results came out, I got straight As for all the papers. I didn't know how or what to feel, but my parents did. They were so proud of me. I didn't even know I was that smart. So during graduation, I had to wore this robe and walked across the stage and retrieve the award from the teacher for excellence. I wasn't the only one though. Anyways, when it was my turn, after I got my award, I stood in the middle of the stage and glanced the people who were there to see me. I saw everyone not happy nor sad, they just sat there and see us go on stage and had no clue what was going on.

We had recital where we wore a flower costumer and dance around on stage in a International Conventional Centre (ICC). Only my mom attended the recital, dad was busy. It was full house though, everyone wanted to see us dance. Each class has their own dance and costume and we had the flower dance and costume. Before we went on stage, I saw my mom sitting down, watching others dance. I waved at her and she waved back and she couldn't wait for me to go up the stage. When it was our turn, we went on the stage and danced. After we dance, we have to bow down. After I bowed down, I tried to find my mom in the crowd of audience, I knew where she was, but I couldn't find her. Spotlight was bright and the audience was in the dark. After few seconds of trying to find my mom, I looked at my friends, they were gone! They went off stage and I was the only one there. I looked on my left and saw the other classroom about to go on stage. I ran off the stage as quickly as possible and heard people laughing because I was alone on stage and ran off. Cute for some people because I was alone on stage with a flower costume and scared and ran off stage, but to me it was humiliating. Come to think of it now, it's kinda funny and cute.

That's all about my kindergarten life. I left some of it out because I don't know how to tell it and some I think is irrelevant. I might continue again, but it will be about my primary school life. So this will be the end of the post. Thanks for reading!

To the people who like being alone and to some who need help

I'm going to talk about being alone. Now I know this could be boring for you, but please, just take your time in reading this if you have nothing to do; this could probably help you, or you could let the others (friends, relatives, etc.) know about this, this could probably help them too.

To the people who like being alone and to some who need help. I hope this will reach to the people I want to help and my friend, Al-Walid. I'm there for you buddy.

For some people, could also be you, might think that alone is what you have. You might also think that being alone protects you, where you can do anything you want, anything you can; you can act weird, dance and sing out loud and no one can/will notice you.

But, if you feel you are not alone and you would pretend to be someone who you are not. You will act differently than how you usually act when you are alone, just so you won't be judged by the people who can see what you do. Well, tough luck. In this world, people will judge you by your appearance, attitude, personality, etc. Just so they can feel good about themselves.

Don't give up there. Even if there are haters in this world, haters will always hate, don't forget that there are also people out there who care for you.

I'm going to say it again, you might think that being alone protects you. It does protect you, but listen; You will always need someone by your side. They will be the ones who will get you back up on your feet when you fall. They will give their shoulders for you to cry on. They will listen to your problems. They will always be there to help when you are in distress. A true friend who will always be there for you. Even if you think they are not there and can't help you, try to reach them. They will help you. You are not alone and will never be alone. We are here for you.

Now, sometimes, it could be good for you to pretend someone who you are not, maybe just so you can have a good reputation, or for fun, but it is only good when you only do it for a while, not for a long time, because it's bad. You'll regret it. Just try to be who you are around people, you will never know until you try; they might like the other part of you, or hate it, but that won't stop you. We each have our own strength and I know that strength will not give up on you when someone insult you just because you are being who you are suppose to be. I know you are stronger. Just be whoever you are, and stay whoever you are. Be you.

Remember, you are not alone in this world. You don't have to pretend when you are in public. Even if make a mistake just by being who you are, I know you will learn from that mistake; learn to be disciplined, learn to avoid the same mistake you've made, etc.

Got two quotes that could help you, or your friends and relatives:

"Go where you are appreciated, not where you are tolerated. Your confidence, health and life will be much better."

"Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you."

The first one is related with being alone. Remember, there are people who appreciate you, so you can have better in life, health and confidence.

The second one is related with pretending who you are not. You have to kill that part of pretentious feeling inside of you, just so you can be who you are.

Now the quotes can have a lot of meanings to others, could be different than mine. Mine is just related with this post. 

I'm going to stop here. I hope this post helps you. If you think you have a friend or relative that have this problem at the moment, ask them if they have the time to read this post.

This is the end of this post.

3 Dreams Full of Terrors

Last night I had 3 nightmares. 3 nightmares a night. It was very scary at first when I woke up from it because I felt like it was real, but after few hours, like right now, it's not that scary anymore, but the second nightmare is still scary.

First Nightmare
The Witch-Dude in The Hotel Department Store

There was this department store in my dream, located in a city. I don't remember what city, but I felt like I was in Singapore in that dream (the city I was in was also from another dream from different night; it's like my dreams have all have the same locations, but every night it's a different story. Like I was in a Dreamland or Dreamworld or Dream cities). Anyways, It was day time and there was my driver, best friend and I. We were on our way to the department store, there was a escalator outside the building of the department store because you can use it right away to get on top without going in. We used the escalator until I saw a friend of mine, Fikri in one the floors of the department store, he was looking for girl clothes, I think it was for his little sisters? So Basri and I decided to jump from the escalator and landed on the same floor as Fikri, but as soon as we land, Fikri went somewhere.

We followed the way he went and tried to find him, but we couldn't. We found ourselves outside the girl clothes store and inside the department store, it was so big and crowded. The thing is, that department store is also a hotel, there are elevators to use if people want to go to their hotel rooms. It's like a hotel and a department store all in one, which is the title of this nightmare.

Anyways, the department stores had a lot of floors, the top floor have luxury and expensive products selling, the lower the floor goes, the less luxury and less expensive the products are. So you can say the very bottom floor sells fake and cheap products. When we were in the department store after we lost Fikri, Basri decided to run off somewhere to find the elevators for the hotels. Before I followed him, my driver told me to be careful. I just nodded Yes to my driver and followed Basri and the same time I thought,"Obviously I have to be careful in a crowded department store. I don't need to worry too much because I'm confident enough not to be kidnapped or not to be in trouble." As I followed Basri, we somehow found ourselves in the very bottom floor of the department store. While I followed Basri, every sellers there offered me their fake and cheap products to me, but I just ignored them.

Basri somehow found the elevators, I think. So when I got to him, he was gone, but I found the elevators, I guess he got in the elevator and left me down there. While I was waiting for the elevators, there was this guy, who was on his way to the elevator, he looked very weird and suspicious to me. On his hand, he got something like a cheap, fake product in his hands. He wasn't going for the elevator, he was going for me. When he got closer, he said something to me about his product in a scary voice and kept forcing me to buy his products. To me, he's like a witch because he looked like one, weird clothes and products. Me being scared, and I'm in a dream, so I jumped so high like I had the power like Spider-Man and jumped and stick on the walls. He was still offering his products in a scary voice. I jumped off the wall and ran, he followed me everywhere, like I was being followed in a dark alley and he wanted to mug me. As soon as I lost him and hid myself away. Only a few seconds, he found me and kept saying the same words he said about his products. He had like eyes everywhere and that's how he found me or he had eyes that can see through walls.

The End of the first nightmare.

Wasn't that scary, but being followed by a stranger and that stranger offering product I don't know out of nowhere was terrifying and he found me hiding from him was scary enough. After I had that dream, I woke up and few minutes later, I slept again.

Second Nightmare
The Shadow-Man 

I don't remember how it started and this is a short dream, yet terrifying than the others. I remembered only our house was in a blackout, all lights were off, the whole neighborhood though. I was in my bedroom when this blackout happened. I'm afraid of the dark, so I grabbed my phone and use its flashlight and went outside my room. As soon as I got out, all my family was there. Dad was trying to get the power back on, but he can't. My mom wasn't there though, but my brothers and sisters was there. It was so dark and scary, all of us decided to follow my dad where ever he goes. When my dad went to the living room, everyone followed him so fast and I was behind them. They didn't seem to see it, but I saw something outside.

It was like a man, standing on the roof outside the house, and was close to the windows. At first, I thought I was seeing things, but that Shadow-Man was real, he was staring at me; couldn't see his eyes though, but I felt like he was staring at me, like I felt threaten if someone stares at me for too long. That's how I felt, but I know that Shadow-Man was a ghost. That's what made me had goosebumps and can't say a word. Tried to called my dad out loud, but I can't. My brother noticed me, and asked if I saw any ghosts. I can't say anything like my mouth was forced shut so I just nodded. My brother called my dad and I wanted my dad because he can make ghosts go away, but the dream didn't last very long.

The End of the second nightmare.

As soon as that dream ended, I woke up instantly and felt so terrified. When I woke up, the show, Napoleon Dynamite, was on the television. I decided to watch some of it few minutes. I almost slept, until I heard a loud noise. A blackout. Like in my dream. Seriously, no joke. The television, light, AC, fan went off and I panicked. I grabbed my torchlight and my phone and go to my parents room. It was 1:30am though and to get to my parents room, I have to go to the living room. I had to go there like in my dream, because I'm scared and so I could go to my parents room. Luckily the window I looked through in my dream didn't have a shadow-man waiting and staring me from the roof outside. I was happy and got into my parents room. Told my mom there was a blackout and she said everything is fine, just sleep. So I slept there.

Third (Last) Nightmare
The Giant Dwarf

Doesn't sound scary, but to me it was. It was another dream where my house was still in blackout and I was in my parents room. Heard something inside and outside my house. Home invasion. I heard something broke inside the house and police sirens and helicopters outside the house. As soon as I got out my parents room and went to the living room, I looked through the window, where I saw the Shadow-Man in my second dream and I saw a giant dwarf outside. He was the thief. He was finding something valuable in my house. He was outside though and he was looking through every windows in my house to see if there's anything to steal. The police couldn't do anything. The dwarf was big as my house and that's why the title is The Giant Dwarf.

While the dwarf was looking through the windows, he found me looking at me. He was angry. I guess he doesn't want anyone in the house to know that he was stealing something. As soon as he saw me, he tried to grab me with his giant dwarf hand. I went to my sister's room then straight away go to my parents room again. The dwarf lost me there and I told my mom there was a giant dwarf thief outside and if he saw us he would grab us and maybe kill us. My mom got scared and looked outside the window if it was real. The dwarf was still searching for me.

The End of Third (Last) dream.

Wasn't that scary. I woke up in the morning at 6:00 am and still the lights were off. Got nothing to do, but to wait for the power to get back on. I almost slept again, then light shined in my eyes, heard something went on. Opened my eyes, the electricity is back on! I went back to my bedroom and typed all my story into my blog.

So here I am. Just recently when I was typing for the last paragraph of the third nightmare, the electricity went off again, but only for a few seconds and went back on. I thought it was gonna last long as before, and was scared that I couldn't publish this post, but it didn't so I guess I can post it right now.

This is the end of this post.